⭳ The Rainbow Bridge | 03:26 | 6.29 Mb | Download Mp3
My adorable little 4-year old brown-white tabby DSH (Domestic Short Haired) Maya passed away peacefully in my arms on October 30th, 2020. She had developed IBD (Inflammatory Bowel Disease), which turned into lymphoma. She was the sweetest, kindest and purest soul I've ever met. My goodest girl now rests in peace.
The Rainbow Bridge (video posted above) is my imagination of what Paradise might look like for Maya. I also hope this will bring hope, peace, and comfort to those who have lost a beloved pet.
Coping with the loss
While everyone grieves in their way, here are some thoughts I went and continue to go through:
Try not to blame yourself: I say "try" because the first impulse is to go down the rabbit hole of "What could I have done differently?". When Maya passed away from cancer at the age of 4, I felt helpless. She passed away in my arms, and I couldn't do anything to save her. Now all this time later, I still think about where I went wrong with my care for her, but the truth is, it's not going to bring her back. Accept that nature and life are not fair.
Grieve them: Sounds obvious, but it is crucial to let your emotions out! No two people grieve the same but if you feel an overwhelming need to cry, cry a lot. If you'd rather seclude yourself for a short while, let your loved ones know that you need space so you can grieve in your zone. I wept bitterly off-and-on for weeks and then stabilized to a new 'normal. Grieving comes in waves, and sometimes you'll be strong and grateful to have made those memories, while other times, you'll be a wreck. Don't try to shut down or bottle up. There is no right or wrong way to grieve as long as you do!
Memorialize them: Saving memorabilia such as a paw print or their collar/food bowl is common. Several people also get a tattoo. I got Maya's ashes in an urn that mirrors a cat lying in a comfortable pose. Others create works of art to memorialize their pet's memory. After several months of losing Maya, I honoured her in The Rainbow Bridge (video posted above).
Seek professional help: Human emotions are complicated, and there are times when you don't want to share your innermost thoughts with your immediate circle. I went through a chronic loss depression phase and reached out to professional help to seek clarity in thinking. There is no shame in having such thoughts! It is necessary to accept your emotions and channel them correctly.
Seek comfort in like-minded peers: If you have close family/friends who shared the same bond and love with your pet, sharing memories will help. When the time is right, you can also go through pictures and videos. I often replay Maya's videos of vocally greeting us whenever we would enter our home. It feels like she's still around. You can also join Facebook support groups wherein people share fond memories and media in memory of their beloved pets.
Fostering:So many people rush out to get a new pet to fill the void and then regret it because they weren't ready yet. Take your time finding a new pet. When you are ready, a new friend will come into your life. In the meantime, fostering could be a great way to honor the memory of your pet while making sure that other cats got the same opportunity to find a forever home.
Pass on the love by adopting again: This one is tricky as there is no "right" time. Many people find solace and strength in adopting another pet and passing on the love that they received. While some choose the same breed and type, others go for a different choice entirely. It is imperative to remember, though, a new pet will have its unique personality and traits. While certain breeds might share similar characteristics and mannerisms, a new pet should never be considered a replacement. It is a brand new relationship that deserves its own time and efforts to build, and hence you should not rush the decision to adopt!
If you're trying to console, never say this!
For a vast majority of pet owners, their 'pet' is family and if you don't share the same sentiment, restrict to a simple "Sorry for your loss." While I do not discourage you from reaching out to comfort someone who has lost a beloved pet, remember that words and expressions at this critical time can add to the pain. It is also a fact that no two people grieve the same way; however, it might be prudent to keep the following thoughts in mind before offering condolences. As a rule of thumb, if you wouldn't say it if somebody's grandparent/parent/kid passed away, don't say it for the pet either.
"It was just a pet": For many, their pets have shared memories spanning a decade or more and have been an integral part of their lives. They are loved and spoilt. We see them every day and often put our pets' care and well-being before our own. For many, our pets have lived through various celebrations like graduations, anniversaries, achievements, buying a house etc. My family became a “cat family” because of Maya. Minimizing the emotional importance of a pet is never helpful.
"They were getting quite old": This adds absolutely no value and only adds to the pain. The older a pet is, the more memories and joys they would have shared.
"Give it time": No amount of time is going to bring back our beloved pet. The truth is, everybody knows that as time goes by, the pain will lessen, but at that critical moment, we want our pet to be with us. I think its important to acknowledge that sometimes people just won't ever heal, although rare, it happens.
"I know how it feels": Unless you've gone through the exact situation, refrain from saying this. It sounds empathetic, but unless you're both grieving together (like a family pet), at that time, these words mean nothing to the one suffering the pain. Essentially, somebody else's pain is not going to negate or lessen the griever's sorrow.
Gifting them a new pet: We've all seen those touchy-feely Facebook videos where people gift pets to those who had recently lost one of their own but please DO NOT do that! A pet is a wonderful and beautiful responsibility that must be undertaken by the owner themselves in sound mind and when the time is right.
My adorable little 4-year old brown-white tabby DSH (Domestic Short Haired) Maya passed away peacefully in my arms on October 30th, 2020. She had developed IBD (Inflammatory Bowel Disease), which turned into lymphoma. She was the sweetest, kindest and purest soul I've ever met. My goodest girl now rests in peace.
The Rainbow Bridge (video posted above) is my imagination of what Paradise might look like for Maya. I also hope this will bring hope, peace, and comfort to those who have lost a beloved pet.
Saving memorabilia such as a paw print or their collar/food bowl is common. Several people also get a tattoo. I got Maya's ashes in an urn that mirrors a cat lying in a comfortable pose. Others create works of art to memorialize their pet's memory. After several months of losing Maya, I honoured her in The Rainbow Bridge (video posted above).
So many people rush out to get a new pet to fill the void and then regret it because they weren't ready yet. Take your time finding a new pet. When you are ready, a new friend will come into your life. In the meantime, fostering could be a great way to honor the memory of your pet while making sure that other cats got the same opportunity to find a forever home.
